How is it possible to be worn out from the constant chatter and activity of a three year old one minute, then have your heart ache for her the next? Leah came out to visit with us this past Wednesday morning bright and early. A visit that required that I drive one and a half hours round trip to pick up her and her sleep-over bag. Meeting her mommy before going to work was the only way to get her here without too much fuss. She has spent almost 3 days with us, leaving under protests this afternoon.Every room in the house speaks of her presence here, these past few days and tugs at my heart. Tears sprang easily enough to this grandmother's eyes as she left and again as I see all the reminders in each room. I miss her already and understand the longing her Mommy had in her absence. I do look forward to a sound night of sleep, but will miss my "bed fellow". As tiring as she can be at times for this 53 yo. Nana. I long to hear her spontaneous "I love you, Nana" and all the free hugs and kisses she gives without being prompted. I pray that we are making memories that will bring a smile to her face and a tug at her heart when remembered one day. That the pleasant sights, sounds and smells will flood her with memories of a joyful time spent with her Papa & Nana on the farm. Like the ones that sweep through me of my own childhood spent out in the country with my grandparents. Life is so precious and passes so quickly that I am afraid we let too much of it slip through our fingers unnoticed.
I lost an uncle today, my last one, to death after a sudden illness at 87 years of age. He was my Mother's only living sibling up till 4:32pm today. All of her brothers, sister and parents are gone now. Her heartache is so ever real and haunting at the same time, of her own passing years and aloneness now. I can't imagine how it must feel. Sorry Mom for your lost. Lon and I discussed the issue this evening as we rocked away our weariness over a pot of coffee, as rain once again covered our world. He has already lost both of his parents and knows the pain of separation it brings, I have not. We spoke of those who have lost a spouse and how that must put a heaviness in the heart of the one who is left behind. Neither of us like the idea of being a widow or widower. We pray the Lord will allow us to go home together one day or give us the grace to go on alone. One may have children or even grandchildren around them. But I am sure they will never take the place of your parents and especially your spouse. All of these events happening this close together today has already served to make me quite weepy.
Reflecting on life,
Deborah
2 comments:
Hello Deborah,
Your post is so poignant. We haven't grandchildren yet but that didn't stop me from imagining the joy they will bring as I experienced it briefly through your story. Thank you for sharing that little peek into a world I look forward to enjoying.
On a sadder note, I do extend my deepest sympathies to you and your family regarding the loss of your uncle. You wrote of it so simply, yet artfully. I was reminded of the time a few years ago when I was left with the hard job of telling my husband's mom that her last sibling had died. Sadly, as she was the youngest of nine children, there was no easy way to say that a last and beloved sister had left this realm. My only recourse was to try to soften the blow as best I could with love and attention. It's a bitter-sweet world indeed. We can only do our best to learn and grow and help one another in the process. Your post reminds me that we are not alone in our sorrows and loss, as we're not alone in our joys and our gains.
Thank you for the time and trouble you took to share yours.
Warm thoughts from,
Tracey.
Thanks Tracey for the kind words. One never knows whether to share those deeper thoughts that have a personal note to them. It is encouraging when someone relates to your thoughts. Then you realize that what you shared really matters.
Deborah
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